Negotiation is problem solving with more than one party, with the solution to the problem resolving the conflict. Negotiation is a shared decision involving those people involved in the conflict. It is a complex process, but we do it every day. Some of us are better at it than others, but we can all become better negotiators. 

Conflict happens when people disagree about something. Despite the fact that we have a lot of similarities, as long as everyone is different from everybody else, we will have conflicts to negotiate. It happens, and it is a natural part of life and work. Conflict can be positive and healthy, as well as a learning and growing experience. When conflict is dealt with in a positive way it can be helpful to business needs and purposes. Unfortunately, conflict also has a negative impact when people not only disagree but cause hurt feelings and fracture relationships. There are options for finding a better way to manage or deal with conflict. This can be a first step on the way to improving communication, solving a problem, and building trust and cooperation. This is what you can do to be a better negotiator. 

The process is just as important as the outcome. People tend to react positively when they feel they are being treated fairly, when they feel their concerns are being heard, and when they feel the game rules are neutral and fairly applied. When people feel the process is fair, they are more willing to accept and support the results. 

Take the time to cool down and resist natural instinct. The most natural thing to do when faced with a difficult person or situation is to react. Give yourself the gift of time to think. This can help you remain focused on identifying and discussing the real needs and interests of your counterpart. It can also help that person work past the emotional baggage of the dispute. 

Helping the other person identify or acknowledge his/her feelings tends to reduce the intensity of those feelings and allows all  parties to focus on the underlying problems or issues. All feelings are neutral and valid, no matter how strong or seemingly improper, but it is how you deal with those feelings that places a value on them. 

Keep an objective eye on the real problem and detach your feelings about the person presenting it. Ask clarifying or probing questions to better understand what the actual problem is and generate possibilities for settling it. Blaming only polarizes people. Try to look at the situation from the other person’s point of view and be careful to check assumptions you are making about their behavior. Consider sharing those perceptions to verify them for accuracy. 

Speaking directly to the other person using “I” statements, such as, “I think…,” “I feel…,” “I need…” Be clear about points of agreement, about purpose, and about your needs. Use positive body language to show support and attention and ask questions to clarify that you are understanding. Paraphrase what has been said to show you care and understand. 

A position is a person’s limited view of what solution is necessary to solve the problem. Until needs and underlying interests are ascertained, it is not possible to generate options that will be mutually beneficial and agreeable. You must ask what is important and why it is important before underlying motivations can identify what is fueling this conflict. We don’t usually stop to examine patterns of misunderstanding in our relationships, because we’re stuck in our own point of view. 

Relationships you have with people in business or friendships are longitudinal, and future interaction can be adjusted to serve the business and interpersonal needs for the organization and you. This is an opportunity to determine what can be done differently or better to assure conflict will not continue. The objective of good negotiation is to create a win-win solution, such that all parties feel that their needs have been met.